


Let me hold you in my bare arms

by DearLittleRobin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst, Depressed Draco Malfoy, Depression, Harry fucks up but he wants to make things better after, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-06-12 19:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15346830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearLittleRobin/pseuds/DearLittleRobin
Summary: When Harry finally finished the contents of his can Hermione, and now Ron, still looked at him expectantly."Well?" Hermione asks."It's just-" Harry repeats and he really doesn't know how to continue that sentence, so he just goes with the first thing that comes up in his mind. "Have you ever seen Malfoy's arms?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know honestly

When a face that wasn't Snape's entered through the door in his Chemistry class, Harry's first reaction was to smile brightly. Now, a bit more than 5 minutes later, as he seats with Malfoy on his left instead of Neville, he regrets his initial optimist look on the situation. He guessed the new teacher wouldn't hate him as much as Snape did, but no, the new teacher probably hates him more than anyone else if he thinks pairing him up with Malfoy is a good idea.

"Let's embrace the opportunity to work with new people" the man had said. And it wasn't that bad of an idea at first, honestly. Maybe, if the universe didn't fucking hate him, Harry could have ended up with Cho or maybe even Cedric on his side and that wouldn't have been that bad at all. 

"Are you done with feeling sorry for yourself or will I have to do all the work on my own? Unless you feel like you lack the skills to perform the tasks we have been given, then I would very much prefer to do the job." 

Harry just groans and presses his face harder against his crossed arms. Why? What had he done to deserve such punishment? 

"Can't say I'm very surprised that your brain isn't good for much aside from throwing balls and running around. Tell me, what do you give Granger in exchange for the homework she does for you?"

"Shut the fuck up, Malfoy" 

"Oh wow, it speaks. Think your brain can manage to make you pass me that green vial over there or is it just too much?"

Harry glares as he does it, but he passes him the vial anyway. Malfoy just takes the vial out of Harry's hand without as much as a thanks and goes back to doing whatever it is that the substitute teacher told them to do. (Excuse Harry for being too shocked for being paired with Malfoy to pay attention to the instructions) 

"You're welcome, Malfoy" 

"I don't think I have thanked you" 

"Oh my god, you are such a prat!" Harry complains as he sits up abruptly, accidentally kicking the table.

In any other normal day that wouldn't have been that big of a problem, but today the universe was out to fuck with Harry and of fucking course the accidental kick made the table move just enough to make Malfoy's arm move so he could drop the content of the god damned green vial on the sleeve of his shirt.

"For fucks sake,Potter! Is there really no limit to your stupidity?"

And if it had been anyone else, literally anyone else, Harry would have been more than eager to apologize and accept that it really had been his fault. It was Malfoy though and even though it had, technically, been Harry's fault he still refused to admit it to the blond prat in front of him that for some reason decided to always dress like he had a very important job at some very important office despite the fact that the school did not have a uniform so there's obviously no need to dress so formally all the fucking time (one day Malfoy is going to show up in a suit, Harry swears). The point is. Malfoy is asshole and even when it kind of is Harry's fault it is still Malfoy's fault because he's an asshole. So, instead of an apology, Harry decides to make the blond prick take some of his own medicine 

" Oh, shut up, Malfoy. It was barely a few drops, stop being so fucking dramatic" 

"You're the one who just ruined a perfectly good shirt, you moron" 

"Well, maybe of you rolled your sleeves up like everyone else your sleeves would've been fine" 

It was an okay comment really. Not that great of a comeback even, if Harry was being honest. But, for some reason, that specific choice of words seemed to affect Malfoy a lot more than any of the other insults had. The blond teenager seemed to freeze up, the tip of his very pale ears going a bit red. Harry had been prepared to a string of insults that would probably end up with the two of them on the floor slapping each other but instead all Malfoy did was turn back to whatever he was doing in the first place and quietly mutter.

"Just pay more attention to what you're doing" 

 

That surprised Harry a lot. In fact, it surprised Harry so much that almost two hours later, while having lunch with Ron and Hermione, his mind still tried to figure what the fuck he had said to make Malfoy shut up so quickly.

"-and he was so angry that- Harry? You listening, mate?" Ron asks as he shakes his hand in front of Harry's face, effectively taking the boy out of his thoughts.

"What?" Harry asks startled and Ron just rolls his eyes and turns back to his food.

"Guess that's a no then" The ginger complains before stuffing his mouth with more of the homemade sandwich he brought for lunch that day.

"You seem a bit out of it today, Harry. Is everything okay?" Hermione asks, ever the worried one.

Harry nods, but the girl seems unconvinced. Harry sighs.

"Everything is OK, Hermione, it's just-" Harry stops talking to drink a bit out of his soda can so he had more time to plan on how he could possibly explain what was on his mind. For all he knew it could have been nothing, God it was probably nothing, but still. It had been...weird. Such a reaction for such a stupid comment. That was so unlike Malfoy. When Harry finally finished the contents of his can Hermione, and now Ron, still looked at him expectantly. 

"Well?" Hermione asks.

"It's just-" Harry repeats and he really doesn't know how to continue that sentence, so he just goes with the first thing that comes up in his mind. "Have you ever seen Malfoy's arms?" 

Both of his friends immediately frown at him. 

"What do you mean?" Ron asks before Hermione can. 

"Like, have you ever seen his arms?" Harry's asks again.

"Hm, sure? We kind of can see everyone's arms, Harry" Hermione's frown deepens.

Harry shakes his head.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. What I want to know is if you have ever like, seen Malfoy's arms without sleeves or a jacket covering them."

Ron stares at him as if he had just gone crazy. (Well, maybe he had.)

"Maybe? I don't exactly keep track of that" His ginger friend answers. " Why the fuck do you want to know, though?"

Harry then proceeds to tell them the events of the morning. By the end of the story Ron was back to paying attention to his food and his food only while Hermione had a thoughtful look on her face.

"That is indeed weird" She says.

"I know, right?" Harry agrees.

Ron rolls his eyes at them. He finishes chewing his food quickly (Hermione would slap him if he talked with his mouth full) and shakes his head disapprovingly.

"For God's sake, who cares?" He complains " It's Malfoy we're taking about! He's a complete prat who definitely does not deserve our time. Maybe he's got some allergies he's embarrassed about, maybe he's secretly super into BDSM and the chains he wore yesterday left marks on his wrist or maybe he was just too tired to give you any comeback. Either way, not our fucking problem. Can we go back to eating now?" 

Harry and Hermione stare at him. Harry is the first to break.

"BDSM, Ron? Really?" Harry snorts "What even is your mind, mate?" 

"Oh shut up"

"Is there something you want to tell me, Ron?" Hermione asks with a mischievous smile on her face. 

Ron goes as red as his hair. Harry just starts laughing really loudly. Hermione just keeps the smile.

"I hate you both so much" Ron says and it only makes Harry laugh more.

That should have been the end of it honestly. Ron had made a good point and there was no reason why Harry of all people should worry about whatever the hell fucking Malfoy was hiding under his sleeve. Still, Harry couldn't help but pay attention to Malfoy's arms during the following week. And the next. And the next.

By the end of the third week Harry was convinced that there was something wrong with Malfoy's arms. Even his friends, who were as much spoiled prats as Malfoy himself was, wore short sleeve clothing from time to time. And they still made it look professional and expensive so there was literally no reason why Malfoy would have to only wear long sleeve shirts. Unless, and that was Harry's suspicion, there was something wrong with his arms. 

"I thought we had already closed this topic of discussion the first time your brought it up" Ron says when Harry tells him what's he's been doing for the past weeks, this time during the History class neither of them wanted to pay attention on.

"Can't you at least admit it's weird?" 

"Ok, sure. It's weird. Happy now?" Ron sighs. "Look, Harry, I know you do have a likening to putting your nose in other people's business-"

"Hey!"

"- but, again, this is Malfoy we're talking about. Even if there is something wrong with him it is definitely not your business so why are you putting this much effort into it? I understand that you're curious, even I am a bit now that you've been mentioning it so much, but it's not like we're ever gonna find out whatever the hell Malfoy is hiding. "

Harry wants to argue but he knows there's nothing he can say in his favor.

"Yeah, you're right" Harry sighs and lets his head  drop. "It was a stupid thing anyway" 

"That's more like it"  

And, again, that should have been the end of it. It kind of was, in a way: that was the last time Harry mentioned the subject to his friends. Now, the search is something Harry does by himself, always trying his best to be as subtle as one can be. Sometimes he catches Hermione giving him odd looks when he stares at Malfoy too much during lunch, but other than that no one seems to notice he's still on his secret mission.

"Day 42, still haven't seen his bare arms." Harry whispers to himself as he crosses yet another day on the calendar.

His desk has always been a mess, but now it is even messier with a new pile of papers that, although quite small, covers up the part of his desk in which he usually put some school books. In those papers Harry keeps all his theories for what Malfoy could possibly hiding.

A few days before, news came out that Lucius Malfoy could possibly be involved with a very dangerous extremist group in town. Death Eaters, they are called, a group that takes pleasure in killing people they think to be unworthy. Harry never truly understood what point they were trying to prove but it's not like he spends too much time thinking about it anyway. The point is: if Lucius Malfoy is involved with some dark shit there is a possibility that Draco Malfoy is too. Sure, Draco is a child and probably isn't that involved with the things his father is, but, and here's the interesting part, rumor has it that everyone in the group has matching tattoos. On their forearms to be precise.

 

And ok, maybe Harry is overthinking everything because the idea does seem to be a bit of a stretch, (Can you even imagine it? “Highschool boy discovers his classmate is involved in murders around town after said classmate acted weirdly about showing his arms in chemistry class!” Now that would be an interesting headline) but it is what Harry has for now, ok? (That because it’s already been too long for it to be an embarrassing allergy and Harry firmly refuses to even consider Ron’s BDSM theory.)

 

Quite weird though, isn’t it?, Harry thinks to himself sometimes, That he can’t see Malfoy as someone who likes to be chained for pleasure, but can totally see him as someone who commits murder for it. Weird fucking world it is.

 

“Why are you still thinking about Malfoy, Harry?” Hermione asks him one day when it’s only the two of them chilling on the bleachers, drinking some apple juice and doing their Biology homework.

 

“What makes you think I am?” Harry asks, hoping his voice doesn’t give him away.

 

Unfortunately, it does, and Hermione just gives him an unimpressed look. Harry just sighs and puts his homework aside for a second, so he could lay down and not look at Hermione’s eyes as he explains everything.

 

“You don’t seriously think Malfoy is a Death Eater, do you Harry?” Hermione asks after he’s done, and Harry can’t see her face, but he can tell she’s horrified.

 

“You’ve got to admit it makes sense, Hermione. His father is one!”

 

“His father is suspected to be one. And still! You know the kind of things those people do. Malfoy may be an asshole, but he’s not a murderer”

 

“How can you be so sure, though? Have you ever even talked to Malfoy?” At Hermione’s silence, Harry continues “We don’t know him! We have no idea on how he’s like!”

 

“And just for that you think he’s a murder? Listen to yourself, Harry!” Hermione moves so she’s now staring at him and Harry knows he can no longer ignore her. “This has become an obsession and you need to stop.”

 

“What if I’m right though? How would you live with yourself knowing that you indirectly helped him get away?”

 

“Oh my god!” Hermione screams in frustration. “This is like talking to a child, Harry, honestly! What’s your plan then? Follow him around and hope he shows you his arm sometime?”

 

Harry does not have an answer for that.

 

“…Maybe”

 

Hermione groans.

 

“You are insufferable, I swear to god.” She sighs loudly. “You know what? You’re right. We don’t know him well enough to make assumptions. Maybe you should work on that.”

 

“What?!” Harry sits up abruptly. “You mean try to befriend Malfoy? Are you insane?!”

 

“Well, you don’t seem to be having a problem with practically stalking him every day so this is the most logical next step.”

 

Harry crosses his arms.

 

“I’m not stalking him…”

 

“Sure, Harry, whatever you say”

 

“You know what? I do not deserve this. Let’s get back to biology.”

 

“You’re the one accusing a classmate of murder”

 

“I have my reasons!”

 

Hermione rolls his eyes and Harry sticks his tongue out at her. Soon enough though, they’re back on biology until both of their works are properly done and revised and all the apple juice boxes are empty. Harry puts their books back in their bags as Hermione throws out the trash. When she returns, Harry gives her the bag and, before Harry can just run away and pretend Malfoy was never a topic of conversation between them, Hermione grabs his arm.

 

“I know it sounds like a crazy plan, Harry, but I mean it. If you really want to figure Malfoy out maybe you should talk to him.”

 

And that’s how Harry ended up voluntarily sitting next to Malfoy in the Math class their shared. The blond was usually alone in that one since none of his friends were there so it was quite literally the perfect opportunity. Malfoy looks at him like he’s lost his mind and honestly, at this point, Harry probably has.

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Potter?” The blond hisses.

 

“Sitting down. Isn’t that allowed?” Harry tells him with an innocent smile and that only makes Malfoy look angrier.

 

“Don’t act like you’re dumber than you are.”

 

“I have no idea on what you’re talking about”

 

The frustration in Malfoy’s face is so clear and funny that Harry doesn’t even have to fake his smile anymore. Then Malfoy seems to realize Harry’s laughing at him and his whole face changes to an almost expressionless demeanor.

 

“What do you want?” Malfoy asks, voice cold.

 

“Just talk to you real quick” Harry answers honestly “You see, I’ve been thinking about that chemistry class when we worked together.”

 

“If you want to apologize for being a complete idiot and dropping stuff on me, sitting down here is totally unnecessary. But now that you’re this close I hope you don’t mind if I record you saying sorry for future reference. It’s truly a historical moment, the great Harry Potter comes down from his throne to apologize for his mistakes.”

 

Then it's Harry’s turn to be incredibly irritated.

 

“You certainly do not make this easier for us, do you?”

 

“Well, I don’t know what this is, so you can hardly blame me”

 

“Look. I’m just going to get straight to the point, yeah?”

 

“Should I get my camera?”

 

Harry rolls his eyes and ignores him.

 

“Look, this may sound weird, but I kinda really want to know so.” Harry points at Malfoy’s arms resting on top of his notebook. “What’s up with that?”

 

“…What’s up with my notebook?” Malfoy asks confused, looking at his notes.

 

Ok, maybe he should be a bit more specific then.

 

“No, Malfoy. What’s up with your arms?”

 

And then again, just like it had happened in the chemistry class, Malfoy seems to freeze up, his back gets tense, his ears get red and he brings his arms closer to his chest, as if to protect them.

 

“What the fuck do you mean with that, Potter?” Malfoy says the words with so much venom it actually impresses Harry a bit. However, he doesn’t seem angry like he usually does when he gets angry with Harry. No, Malfoy seems worried.

 

There’s definitely something going on, Harry thinks, smiling internally.

 

“ I’m just asking mate. You acted really weird when I mentioned them in chemistry and now you’re acting weird again” Malfoy immediately changes his body language when Harrys calls him out, but now is a bit too late.  “I’ve never seen your bare arms, Malfoy, so I was wondering if there’s something wrong with them. Perhaps a tattoo you’re embarrassed about?”

 

“This is no of your business, Potter.”

 

Bingo.

 

“Ooh, so there is a tattoo then?”

 

“I have no idea on what you’re talking about.”

 

“Don’t you, Malfoy? ‘Cause I think you do.”

 

“No, I don’t. Can you stop bothering me with stupid questions now?”

 

“If there’s nothing to hide then you wouldn’t mind showing me your arms, would you? Prove me you’re telling the truth”

 

“I don’t have to prove shit to you.”

 

“Careful, Malfoy, this way I’m going to think you’ve got something to hide”

 

“ I don’t need to deal with this”

 

And just like that Malfoy quickly gathers his things and exits the classroom, leaving behind confused classmates and an even more confused teacher. When the teacher gives him a questioningly look, Harry just shrugs.

 

“I’ll talk to Mr. Malfoy later then” The teacher quietly mutters to herself and returns to class.

 

Harry barely pays attention, his mind to busy with how that complete overreaction from Malfoy really proved the blond prat was hiding something. Was it a Death Eater tattoo? Harry doesn’t know. Yet.

As soon as the bell rang, Harry bolted out of the classroom. Seconds later, he stopped in front of the principal’s office.

 

“Mr. Dumbledore?” Harry asks quietly after knocking on the door. The old man quickly looks up from whatever he was doing to greet Harry with a kind smile.

 

“Oh, Harry! Come sit, sit. “Dumbledore points to the empty chair in front of him “To what to I own the pleasure?”

 

Harry stays silent for a bit, trying to think of the best way to tell Dumbledore about his suspicions. After a while, he guesses is best to just be objective.

 

“I think Draco Malfoy may be involved with the Death Eaters, sir”

 

Dumbledore’s eyes get so big it’s almost comical.

 

“That’s a very serious accusation to make, Harry, I hope you’re aware.”

 

So Harry proceeds to tell Dumbledore everything. From the chemistry class more than a month before to the math class on that same day. Dumbledore just nods through it all, clearly thinking.

 

“Thank you for bringing your concerns to me, Harry. I’ll be sure to talk to Mr. Malfoy soon. You may go back to your class now.”

 

Harry leaves the office and goes straight to his chemistry class. Snape does not look happy when Harry enters the lesson, but he allows him in anyway. Harry quickly sits in his usual place next to Neville.

 

“Where were you?” His friend asks, clearly a bit worried.

 

Harry shakes his hand dismissively.

 

“Just talking to Dumbledore.” He says.

 

The answer is clearly not enough for Neville, but the boy does not press him on the matter. He hates talking in Snape’s class, always afraid the teacher will scold him. With the conversation over, both turn back to the lesson until there’s some knocks on the door.

 

“Who might it be now?” Snape complains as he motions for whoever it is to enter.

 

“Draco Malfoy?” A lady calls. “Dumbledore wants to see you in his office”

 

Harry doesn’t miss the angry look the blond gives him as he exits the classroom. As soon as Malfoy’s gone, the whole class erupts in whispers about why the blond boy may have been called.

 

“Silence!” Snape shouts at them, effectively shutting everyone up “Although I’m sure that for most of you gossiping about Mr. Malfoy’s personal life is much more interesting than chemistry, I feel like I must remind you all that said gossip will not be on my test so you ought to pay attention”

 

The class goes back to silence and Snape turns to the board again.

 

“Does it have something to do with you, Harry?” Neville asks quietly.

 

“Kind of” Harry answers and at that moment he feels proud to say he’s been part of the chain of events that ended up with Malfoy in the principle’s office.

 

A few days later, Harry’s never been so ashamed.

 

“His whole arm, man, I’m telling you!”

 

“Completely covered in cuts, from the wrist to the elbow, it’s what I’ve heard”

 

“I thought his father was going to kill him! He seemed so mad!”

 

“I’ve never seem Malfoy so scared! He seemed to be on the verge of tears!”

 

“Like short lines, so many of them, all over his left arm.”

 

“Always knew the prat was as weak as he appeared to be. Can’t say I’m surprised”

 

Malfoy still hasn’t shown up since the whole fiasco happened, but the news fills the hallways. And it’s all Harry’s fault, the weight of guilt killing him every day a bit more. Even his friends are upset with him.

 

“I told you it was none of your business, mate. Malfoy is a prick, but damn.”

 

“I told you to talk to him, Harry! Not this!”

 

And Harry knows they’re right in being mad, he knows, but this is not what he wanted either! His plan was never to make such a bad damage.

 

“I believe you, Harry. I know you didn’t mean any real harm” Hermione tells him “But you have to be careful with these things. You can’t just barge in everybody’s problems.”

 

Malfoy’s friends give Harry dirty looks every time he passes by them in the hallways and he knows he deserves it. He almost considers going up to them to apologize, but figures it wouldn’t do much good. It isn’t to them who he needs to apologize to anyway.

 

It's been almost three weeks since the incident, but the rumors are still as strong as they were on the first day. Harry guesses they won’t get better until Malfoy shows up again. None of his friends are mad at him anymore, but Harry is still pretty angry with himself.

 

“Sirius” Harry says one day to his godfather (the man who has always been like a father to him ever since his parents died in a car crash) “I think I’ve fucked up”

 

“Now that’s a thing I’m an expert at” Sirius laughs a bit, but when Harry doesn’t join in he gets a bit more serious “What happened, Harry?”

 

“There was this guy at my school, ok?” Harry starts “ And this guys had a secret and I kind of find out about it and accidentally told the whole school? Like, I didn’t actually tell them, but I kinda made it possible that everyone would know?”

 

Sirius sighs.

 

“You talking about the Malfoy kid?”

 

Harry’s jaw drops.

 

“How do you-“

 

“He’s one of Remus’ patients now. His clinic is very trustworthy as you may know and the boy’s father really didn’t want the media to know about anything so that nothing can be confirmed. It was quite sad actually.” The man sighs again “Remus was telling me last night that one of his patients seemed to be very mad at you and asked if you had said anything.”

 

“Shit”

 

“Yeah.”

 

It’s Harry’s turn to sigh.

 

“What do you think I should do?”

 

Sirius smiles kindly and gently puts his hand on Harry’s shoulder.

 

“Apologize” He says simply.

 

And that’s why Harry finds himself at Remus’ office the next day, waiting for Draco Malfoy.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, I changed it from 2 chapters to 3 because it'll fit the pacing of the story better.   
> this chapter is a bit short so sorry about that, but i really didn't want to go longer without updating. The next one will be waay bigger.   
> Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this Draco focused chapter and thanks for reading!

Draco Malfoy hates failure.

Not that anyone likes it, he’s not stupid enough to think he’s the only one to dislike said feeling, but, for him, it feels like it’s more than just mere disappointment or discomfort. For him, failing is like being burned alive, like being pressed down by an invisible force that makes it impossible to breath, like having a hand painfully squeezing his internal organs until he wants to scream. Sometimes, it feels like all of that at once.

In other words, Draco really, _really_ , hates failure.

And when he grows up, when he stops being the pretty little boy who reads advanced books and recites poetry for the family and knows how to play the piano to become the awkward teenager who sometimes gets a B- in his tests, when the disappointed glances of his father seem to follow him everywhere, when failure becomes a constant in his life, Draco starts looking for ways to make the pain stop.

He comes by the interesting discover that physical pain is a great way of making emotional pain stop. He figures it out when he comes back from a party he sneaked out to with Blaise to find his father is waiting for him, fury in his face and eyes full of disappointment and anger. It’s on that night that he, for the first time, takes the razor his father gave him for when his beard started to grow and uses it to slice one single cut in his left arm.

It doesn’t stop there and soon all his left arm is covered in lines and scars. Then, he starts reopening old wounds, cutting the same place two, three, four times, just until the pain goes away, just until he’s able to breathe again.

Blaise tells him he needs to stop when he accidentally finds out. Draco tells Blaise he can’t. Blaise tells him to seek help. Draco tells him he’s father would kill him if he found out. Blaise doesn’t say anything to that, because he knows Draco is right. He does offer to help Draco himself, though.

It works out for a while. If something happens and it’s big enough to send Draco down his hole but not big enough to make him feel like the only thing he can do to keep himself alive is to taint his arm red, he either calls or texts Blaise and they chat for as long as Draco needs them to. They don’t talk about it after, but Draco is sure Blaise knows how thankful he is. For while, Draco can say with 100% honesty that things are not that bad.

It doesn’t last long.

One day, Lucius comes home screaming bloody murder and if that wasn’t scary enough he turns his anger towards Draco.

“You!” Lucius screams with such venom that just that word makes Draco flinch.

After that, it’s a shit show. Draco doesn’t really remember half of it (he thinks maybe his brain decided it was better to just shut down), but he knows his father thinks it’s somehow Draco’s fault that Lucius Malfoy is now a name in the list of suspected Death Eaters.

Draco almost kills himself that day, he thinks. Not intentionally though, he’s never been suicidal. In his panic and with a lot of blood dripping from his arms, he dials Blaise and tries to explain but he can’t speak, everything is too much and suddenly Blaise is there (the perks of being neighbors, Draco supposes) , holding his left arm like Draco’s life depends on it (It probably did) and taking bandages from the bathroom and washing the cut and doing everything while Draco is just a mess of a human being.

“Shhh” Blaise tells him “Breathe with me, Draco. You have to calm down. Please calm down.”

It takes some time, but eventually Draco feels like he’s back into his body and he can breathe again. He and Blaise are on his bed, Blaise is holding him, his left arm is covered in bandages and his head hurts like hell.

“I’m a fucking mess, aren’t I?” Draco whispers.

“A bit” Blaise whispers back.

“Sorry” Draco whispers again, moving so he could hide his face in the mattress.

“It’s okay, Draco” Blaise tells him gently.

Draco just shakes his head.

“It isn’t” He says “I need to stop this, Blaise. I thought I had it under control, but I don’t think I do. I’m-” He hesitates “I’m scared”

It’s weird for him, to just admit weakness like that. Draco is sure his father would have scolded him for saying such things. Blaise though, he just hugs him and lets out a deep sigh. It’s…nice, Draco could admit that to himself, the feeling of being held, that affection Blaise knew how to give. Draco would never tell a soul, but he sometimes gets himself wondering if he and Blaise could ever become more than just friends. It’s a stupid fantasy, he knows. Their relationship is not like that, it could never be.

“When it gets bad you have to call me, Draco.” Blaise breaks the silence after a while “ You have to call me before doing anything so I don’t have to climb up your window like a bloody burglar”

Draco manages to chuckle a bit at that.

“Sorry” He says for the second time in the last three minutes and internally cringes at the thought of what his father would tell him if he saw him at that moment.

Blaise hums and one of his hands makes its way to Draco’s blond hair. Usually, someone making his hair messy would result in a very angry Draco, but in that moment Draco doesn’t care because he doesn’t _need_ to care. Not with Blaise. His hair was already messy anyway,

“I’m really glad I climbed up your window, though” Blaise tells him in a soft tone “You are my best friend, you know? I don’t need you giving me heart attacks.”

“You are such a sap, Zabini, geez” Draco mocks him, but hopes the other boy understands what he truly means.

_Thank you._

“Yeah, yeah, fuck you, Malfoy” Blaise answers with a smile and Draco knows.

Fast forward to weeks after this particular incident and Draco is putting more effort into stopping his need to cut than he has ever out before. Blaise is by his side during the process and it helps a lot. Draco doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to truly thank his friend for everything he’s done for him.

Things are going well for Draco for once and he truly feels like maybe, just _maybe_ , he’ll have a chance at happiness.

Enter Harry Fucking Potter and his chances are reduced to zero.

Draco has always disliked the boy, but after what he put Draco through (Dumbledore, _show me you arms, Draco,_ his father, _What is the meaning of this?! I did not raise such son!,_ the rumors he is sure will appear) Draco doesn’t think he has ever hated someone more.

He tells that to the therapist he’s forced to go to (He figures it would be useless to pretend he doesn’t need it so he should just grab the only good thing that has come out of the whole Potter mess and make a good use of all he sessions) and the man only nods. It feels good to just rant to someone like that, Draco will admit. It’s good that he doesn’t need to bother Blaise with his shit anymore.

The point is, Draco absolutely fucking hates Harry Potter and he’s sure the feeling is mutual because why else would someone go through such great lengths to make his life a living hell? That said, excuse Draco for being extremely surprised Potter shows up at the place he goes to therapy.

As soon as his eyes find the other’s he knows.

Things are only getting worse.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did I even try to make this only 3 chapters if I know myself well enough to know i don't write like that fuck  
> i'm really sorry for how long it took me to post and even more sorry for how small this update is but i needed to say something and I hate when people post this type of explanations as chapters   
> So the thing is, I really love writing and I have a million stories in my head, but the process of actually writing these ideas down is very difficult to me(I'm sure many of you can relate lol) I have the idea and I have to get it out and sometimes I post stuff too soon and stories stay months and months without updates. I know how frustrating that is and I'm really sorry about it. I'll try to be more consistent with updates this year, as part of my new years resolution. I need to get better at time management, not only for my hobbies but for my real life.   
> I'll try to post the next chapter soon!

Draco misses seeing people. He got his cellphone confiscated, isn’t allowed to leave the house and no one is allowed to come in. His only interactions are with Dr. Lupin from Mondays to Fridays and with his mother’s pitying looks every single day. He misses talking to his friends, making fun of stupid people at his school. He misses Blaise the most.

Draco’s been thinking about asking Dr. Lupin to allow Blaise in one of their sessions for a while, but without a cellphone and without being allowed to go out, it was impossible to even contact the boy. That dilemma floats around in Draco’s head for days and he silently begs the universe to make things easier for him _once_ in his life and just send him the solution to the problem.

Draco promises to never beg the universe for anything ever again when Harry Potter shows up at his therapy place.

For a while, it’s like they’re in a different dimension. Just the two of them, Harry and Draco, looking at each other with wild eyes. It feels like years passed by before any of them is able to make a sound

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Draco asks, his voice sharp and angry. He instinctively brings his left arm closer to his chest and almost hits himself because of it.

The movement does not pass unnoticed by Harry and he has the decency of looking ashamed. In any other circumstance, seeing the great Harry Potter looking like that would bring a smirk to Draco’s face. His mind would have a witty thing to say ready to go and all his friends would laugh because Harry Potter was just that ridiculous. Not this time, though. This time just Harry Potter’s presence is unsettling enough to almost make Draco hyperventilate and it makes the blond boy so angry that he’s that weak.

“Malfoy” Potter begins, and he fidgets with the hem of his shirt, looks at anything that’s not Draco. “I- You have all the right to be incredibly mad at me, but- There’s no but, actually, this is not what I wanted to say. You should be mad at me, I would be mad at me too, I-” he takes a deep breath and his green eyes finally find Draco’s grey ones. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. For real. I really didn’t mean for it to happen.”

It’s genuine, Draco can tell. Of course it is. Potter has too much of a hero complex not to feel bad for real when he screws up. Guilt is going to be Potter’s downfall someday, Draco imagines, looking at the boy in front of him, the boy who’s so desperate for forgiveness he would probably do anything Draco asks him to.

Ah.

Maybe the universe is actually trying to help after all.

“Do something for me” Draco says and he sees Harry consider it for some seconds, sees the discomfort on the boy’s face, before he nods.

“Yeah” Potter agrees, but he’s visibly worried “Yeah, sure”

“Tell Blaise to come here next week” Draco says “On Monday, 2pm. Give him the address and everything. Say it was me who called him. Do you understand?”

“I- Yes.” Potter seems a bit confused, as if he expected Draco to ask him to do some humiliating shenanigan that would probably ruin his reputation forever. “I do.”

“Good” Draco still holds his left arm protectively, his right fingers pressing against the cuts “Now leave.”

Potter opens his mouth but closes it before saying anything. Instead, he nods twice and leaves in a fast pace. The boy disappears from Draco’s field of vision and he finally lets go of the arm.

“This talk went better than one would have expected” Draco turns to the voice source and sees Dr. Lupin leaning of the door, looking at him with a gentle smile.

Draco tries to smile back.

“That was Harry Potter” Draco tells him.

“Yeah, I know” The man says and when Draco frowns at him he explains “He’s my son. Well, adopted, but my son regardless”

It takes a few seconds for the information to sink. Draco can feel his cheeks getting redder, his right hand twitches. The notion that he’s been complaining about Harry Potter to Harry Potter’s freaking father is too much for him.

“Do you-“ Draco begins to ask but he isn’t able to finish.

“All of our sessions are completely confidential, Draco.” Lupin’s words are firm, but his tone is still kind “ I’m a professional” Draco, feeling his cheeks somehow getting even r redder, prepares to apologize. Remus doesn't let him  “I understand where you are coming from, though. I’m well aware of the fact that you and my son do not have the best relationship. Now more than ever.” He smiles again “ But I’m here to listen to you, Draco. Not to what Harry has to say about you. I don’t bring judgment to my office.” Draco nods, still unsure. Dr. Lupin sighs quietly. “I’ll understand if you want to be with someone else, however”

The young Malfoy puts a bit of thought into it. He looks at the man he barely knows but had already done more for his mental health in three weeks than his father had during Draco's whole life. He shook his head.

“No” Draco answers honestly “It’s ok”

“Good” Lupin smiles once more “I’ll see you in our next session then”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once more, sorry for the long wait!!

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any grammar mistakes/typos! It's like 3 am and i don't kbow what i'm doing with my life lol


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